


Who's Afraid?

by megyal



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-05
Updated: 2006-12-05
Packaged: 2017-10-27 04:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/291769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megyal/pseuds/megyal





	Who's Afraid?

Joe turned up at Andy's stick-formed house, out of breath.

"The fuck?" Andy said, leaning against the rickety door. Joe glared at him and forced his way in.

"Remember when I told you," he said, raiding Andy's fridge almost on instinct, "That the Big Bad Wolf couldn't blow the house of straw down?" He chugged a can of Red Bull helplessly. Andy nodded, eyes wide. "Dude, next time? Just, kill me before I say things like that."

*

Andy and Joe turned up at Patrick's brick house and before Patrick could open his mouth, they snarled at him. "Motherfucker, don't even _say_ it."

Patrick ignored them. "God. _God_ , I told you so. Did I not tell you so? I said, Brick! Solid and sturdy! No stronglunged wolf can blow this shit down."

The doorbell rang and Patrick made sure to open the door with the security chain on. All he saw were a bright row of teeth.

"Um," said the teeth. "Can I come in?"

"Um," Patrick said. "And you are?"

"Pete," flashed the dazzling teeth, and Patrick was this close to pulling it open when Andy tackled him.

"Shit!" Andy hissed while kneeing Patrick in the stomach. "That is the Big Bad Wolf. Don't know if you realised this? Carnivore, eats folks like us?"

"And pretty hot," smirked the voice from behind the front door.

Patrick and Andy considered.

"Ok, yeah," Andy mused, getting up off Patrick. "He is sorta hot."

"And I'm not that Big. Like...I dunno, maybe five-seven? Five-seven-and-a-half on a good day."

"Oh, I'm taller," Joe informed the BBW, yelling from where he was laying on the couch and eating noodles.

The (Not-Big) Bad Wolf continued to talk. He sounded as if he was making himself comfy on Patrick's patio-set.

"And I'm not so bad, once you get to know me. I'm a little shy, to tell the truth. I like Star Wars."

Joe perked up. "The last three movies, or first prequels, or whatever? Disappointed, let me tell you."

"I _know_!" The (Not-Big, Not-so-Bad) Wolf squealed, and Patrick was offering him a can of soda through the half-opened window. Andy was livid.

"Look, so why did you blow our houses down?"

Patrick took back the soda.

"Allergies?" The Wolf supplied. "I was... _sneezing_. And I had a sore throat...I was singing last night. Howling. Howling was what I was doing, but I like to think I'm a poet so-"

"I'm a singer," Patrick said. "Red Ryan Hood used to come jam with us, but _somebody_ scared him off. Maybe even ate him."

The Wolf was indignant.

"What?! I don't even eat meat anymore! Here I was, considering going _vegan_ , and I'm being _accused_ of eating hot little dudes in rosy-red capes. In all my life-"

Andy interrupted his ranting. "You're probably the first vegetarian Wolf I've ever met. This is a good thing. For us."

"Isn't it?" Pete said sweetly. "And on top of it, I'm sexy. Just reminding you. Is that Ramen noodles I smell? I love Ramen. I'm practically fueled by it."

Andy sighed.

"Patrick, let the fucking wolf in. He might try to climb in through the chimney and we'd have to demolish your precious brickwork to get him out, anyway."

Patrick opened the door and Pete grinned at him ferally.

"You're so pink and cute!" Pete yelled. "I feel we might be friends forever. Or at least 'til I give up vegetarianism...which might be tomorrow."

"Fair enough,"Patrick said. "Oh, what a lovely bass guitar you have."

"The better to have excuses to kiss you onstage, my dear."


End file.
